“Life’s Daily Inspiration” In The Poop Brigade
“Life’s Daily Inspiration” in the poop brigade” is a about a dear little lady we will call Ms. Betty to protect and respect her privacy.
Ms. Betty soak and wet wouldn’t have weighed more than 88 pounds. She was very prim and proper her hair was always fixed. She went to the beauty shop every week rain or shine.
And slept with one of those silk scarfs and a silk pillowcase.
Everything about Ms. Betty was a “life’s daily inspiration”
With her cute little wire rim glasses perched on the end of her nose (like she’d been reading all day.) To her three piece suits she always wore. Down to her her little one inch healed dress shoes.
If Ms. Betty was up she was dressed similarly to this description. Complete with her makeup she said without her war paint she wasn’t fit to go anywhere. That people would croak out of shock at her old rinkled face.
But the twinkle in her bright green eyes was my all time favorite about Ms. Betty.
She could make anyone smile and feel blessed to have been around her. Yes, she was Hospice but lived everyday to the fullest.
Ms. Betty had Alzheimer’s and certainly had her moments of clarity. And non-clarity. On one of her bad days her daughter had asked if I could come early she had a doctors appointment.
And didn’t want her mom there long by herself so I went about 9:15 a.m. Her daughter had only been gone about 20 minutes and Ms. Betty was supposedly still asleep.
It wasn’t unusual for her to sleep till 12 noon on any given day.
Which her daughter thought was the case this morning. Ms. Betty’s bedroom was in the back of the house. As was her bathroom. I quickly realized she wasn’t in bed. I’m bright like that. Lol when the beds empty it a pretty good bet.
So immediately went to her bathroom door to knock.
Ms. Betty hollered out “yes” I answered Ms. Betty it Scarlett.
Inside I heard mumbled oh my, what am I going do? Now I was a little concerned, a little worried and a little nervous. As this was not my first rodeo. Dealing with Alzheimer’s and what they can get into. It almost seemed as if their minds encourage them to do the unthinkable.
So being inspired to get the bottom of today’s episode of, oh my! As she said, I quickly said, I’m coming in sweetie.
And promptly got no where. The door was locked. Why? Only the Lord knows as no one else used her bathroom.
I asked, Ms. Betty could you please unlock the door? And I will help you with whatever you’re doing. Ok? Alright, she answered I’m coming Scarlett.
Next thing I know she saying I can’t Scarlett as, she was trying to turn the knob.
Ms. Betty said, I thought I had all this stuff cleaned up. But I guess it’s all over my hands. And I thought I’d cleaned it all up.
Those words got me to move I went to bedroom retrieved a coat hanger from the closet and proceeded to break the metal by bending it.
I told Ms. Betty to try washing her hands while I unlocked the door. Using my coat hanger I stuck one end in the little hole of the doorknob. I jabbed it around. Finally, it clicked (Amen and hallelujah!)
Then my eyes landed on little Ms. Betty, who was always so prim and proper dressed to the nines, as they say. But, (Not) today. I Never wanted to laugh as much as I did at that moment.
Her usually impeccably styled hair was matted down with Pooh, Yep. You heard right it was plastered down on both sides and I mean plastered. Then My eyes traveled downward and I’m sure my mouth fell open. Ms. Betty was as naked as a bird.
Except for every inch I could see was covered in Pooh. Then the smell hit me, right between the eyes. And they started watering from the strong stench.
I thought whew! Holy moly. And I looked at the wall behind her which was a lovely shade of Pooh brown. It had been a white wallpaper.
Not anymore, that’s when I lost it! I would have sat down on the toilet but every inch was covered in muddy Pooh. The floor in front of it included.
This was not at the moment a “life’s daily inspiration” it was a nightmare of biblical proportions. But, for the life of me, I couldn’t stop laughing. I laughed so hard I was crying.
Then Ms. Betty said, did I do that? Made me think of Steve Urkel on T.V. So I laughed even harder.
When I could talk I summed up the situation as a humdinger of a mess.
I manger to get my little jaybird over to the shower and sitting on a stool. I added warm water and gave her a wash rag.
To keep her occupied while I tried to clean her pig pen up enough that I could give her a proper shower.
All the while she kept repeating. I thought I got it all cleaned up. I’m sorry, Brenda’s gonna be so mad. But, I thought I got it all cleaned up. Just like Polly the parrot.
When I had gotten the worse cleaned up almost 45 minutes later. After adding warm water to the tub 3 times.
I was able to pull the plug and turn on the shower. Wished I was getting a shower myself.I literally felt like I was covered in Pooh. I was very thankful for the gloves I had doubled up.
I started with the plastered hairdo it looked like she’d used 3 tubes of men’s hair gel. It just didn’t smell like it. Mercy me what a morning welcome. A visit to the Pooh Brigade.
After multiple washings. Oh yeah, and much protesting from Ms. Betty that I had ruined her hairdo. And after cleaning Pooh out from between her toes even. She had missed nothing.
Now that all the nasty work was done in comes her daughter. I kid you not.
Whew! What happened in here.
My answer to quote a former patient was. Not much just a S and S storm. Brenda answered right on que just as I had to that former patient. Oh, nothing just a little Sh_t-in storm. No big deal!
She took over and I took off home for my second shower of the day. Before seeing more patients.
Sometimes I swear I can still smell that Pooh after all these years yuck! I’ll never forget Ms. Betty. Or the Pooh brigade.
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Scarlett and Elaine